I spontaneously decided to write this blog part, as I have the feeling my recent posts are not exactly showing how I am really doing. Too many questions have come up from friends and family who live far away and do not see me frequently.
So what has really changed for me? Well things have turned a bit differently since I have started with the new pills. Before the new therapy I was pretty independent, I hardly had any back pain and I was able to play a bit of tennis and golf.
However as of recently most of my energy is sucked out since I am taking the new pills and only now after taking them for over a month my body is getting used to them. My energy level is generally good again, but I need lots of sleep and if I want to go out in the evenings I definitively need an afternoon nap.
My biggest challenges however are the back pains, as they are restricting me in the daily life routines. I need help when having a bath or a shower; getting dressed is also a bit of an issue, as sometimes I am not able to bend down to pull up my pants. Walking long distances is now also more of a chore (due to the back pain), and I need use my wheel chair more often than before. I have had to get used to all these changes and have slowly begun to realize that I am more dependent on other people’s help.
There are days I don’t feel well enough to drive, as I feel too tired whilst on other days I am totally fine. Everyday is a new day and I am only doing the things I feel comfortable with each day. When I know there is an event or an appointment coming up, I take enough rest the day prior to recharge my batteries. So it is a bit like roulette: you never know what the next day will bring.
My blog posts may have given the impression that everything is great and that nothing has really changed in the past months. Most friends tell me that I always sound so strong and positive, but they actually don’t realize how things are “backstage”. The best thing to do is to accept the situation as it is and make the most out of it. If I started to complain about all the side effects or the “reduced” quality of life I am now facing, I would end up being depressed. Probably I could see myself how I give in and fall deeper and deeper into a self-pity mood, which I so don’t want to experience.
What’s the point of creating myself more issues, if I can enjoy life to the max? I had a beautiful and amazing life until now, and why should I end it sad or depressive if it can be filled with joy, fun and love? Life can be cruel to you, but it is up to you what you make out of it. Only you have the power to choose which direction to go: the negative or the positive one.
One last thing I would like to clarify, as recently a friend of the family in Italy made the following statement: “Oh wow, you can actually breath properly and not having any difficulties”. Well, I was pretty perplexed. This is not exactly something you should tell to a cancer patient with lung metastases. However, I guess this isn’t clear to most of you as this is rightfully I good question. I have to be honest that when I heard for the first time that I have several lung metastases, my biggest fear was to die of suffocation one day.
You can be relieved though, as this won’t be the case and in fact I don’t feel the lung metastases. Besides some irritating cough I have no other discomfort.
So please don’t wonder when you ask me how I am doing and my reply is well. Because I am actually fine considering the circumstances and the side effects, my mobility and energy levels could be worse. I simply learnt to live with the situation and my limitations, and I am still a happy person enjoying life to the fullest.