I am a Gladiator!

There are millions of questions that run through someone’s mind after a diagnosis such as cancer. What does this mean? Why does it always hit the “good people” and not the pedophile or murderer? Why is life so unfair at times?

Why is there suddenly something growing inside me that is trying to kill me?

Have you actually every thought about the idea that a tumor is just a living “something” inside that tries to survive just as much as you are trying to? Have you ever thought about the idea that a tumor just keeps growing because it has living cells and it does not realize that the larger it grows it will eventually kill its host, which is you!? So why the hell does this thing grow as it will get killed anyway: either by us through chemos, radiations or surgeries or it by its “host” that dies, which basically means when we die the tumor dies as well.

I recently had a dream and when I woke up the next morning I was sort amused by it. And I will tell you frankly what it was about: I am a gladiator!

All of us fighting against this horrible illness called cancer are gladiators! We are all gladiators! So our fight against cancer is like a gladiatorial combat.

Let’s take a beautiful scene for the fight, as when we get into fighting modus to survive we all imagine something big and grandiose: the Colosseum in Rome. In the real world this would probably more our comfortable home with the family, and we may have to accept days in hospital as well. But bottom line we are gladiators ready for our fight and about to enter our own personal amphitheater, the Colosseum. The last few days, hours, or even minutes before entering amphitheater are nerve-racking. You have no idea yet what will await you inside and you are anxious, worried but at the same time highly motivated. You just want to beat the shit out that tumor and kill because you want to survive!

Then the moment has come and you enter the glorious Collosseum, and the first thing you see is the audience. These stand for your family, friends and doctors, all your supporters cheering and praying for you, as everyone wants you to win. Everyone wants you to see how you beat the shit out that tumor. This breathtaking scene pumps you up and you are suddenly more motivated than ever and all you can think of is just “to beat the shit out of it”! And this part is very important because there are times when you feel lonely, and the sun might lighten you and you cannot see your audience anymore. You may think that you are standing all by yourself in this big arena, but it’s not true. The Collosseum is jam-packed and your family and friends will always be by your side.

Now comes the time where you have to face your enemy and you can let your imagination go wild: from lions (the classic during Roman times) to monsters, dinosaurs etc. Each cancer type represents a different monster. And that’s the moment you know either you leave the arena alive as the winner or dead. I purposely don’t mention the term “looser” here, because any person who has fought cancer is a winner in my eyes. I personally don’t like to hear people saying, “he or she lost the battle of cancer”. There is something very negative about the word “looser” or “lost” in this context, and why not simply say “he or she didn’t survive cancer”. It sounds a lot more positive and it expresses that this person has really undergone the fight of his/her life.

Now the fight of your life begins, because you want to survive and leave the arena as a survivor. There is one bonus though in this imaginary gladiatorial combat: you can change the tools. Within the audience also sit your doctors, and they provide you with all various types of tools to kill the monster. The classical sword could be your traditional chemotherapy, and a fireball could be your radiation. And then only time will tell what is the right tool and what can eventually kill the monster.

So don’t be scared confronting this long battle ahead, and rather face it with high spirits and motivation. Some people can’t win this battle against cancer, but you as a gladiator had the battle of your lifetime and you tried everything in yours and your doctor’s power to survive.

What I am trying to say is that this battle isn’t an easy journey but we can make it more acceptable and bearable with our positive way thinking and let our imagination flow. Find your own superhero. We are all gladiators!